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19

Codswallop!

The anthem that could have been
19

Noah and I wrote Codswallop! to be the Reform Party Campaign Anthem, but then Nigel and team decided they wanted to use Eminem instead - can’t think why ;)

I thought it was a cracking song. Proper Tubthumping vibes. And we got it composed and recorded in just two days. Quite something.

Rather than let it die, Will and I decided to make a vid of it anyway, which we shot in at the end of my road and in my kitchen with some green paper stuck on the wall. But it is not a comic song. It was written to promote Reform. So please bear its intended purpose in mind when you watch it, particularly against my usual oeuvre.

In any case, it is the last of my offerings for the satirical song season that is the General Election. Here are Who Is Sunak? and Captain Flip-Flop in case you missed them.

Music is by Noah Fleetwood, recorded and mixed by Wayne McIntyre, video shot by Will Freeman.

WARNING: Contains dad dancing.

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Get Captain Flip-Flop Into The Top Ten

Meanwhile, a campaign has started up to get Captain Flip-Flop into the charts in time for Keir Starmer’s election next week, so that the radio stations all have to broadcast it in the days after he becomes PM.

Getting songs into the Top 40 is hard - I speak from experience - but it would nonetheless be extremely funny, if it happened. I mean extremely funny.

I’ll have more on this as things develop, but if you want to do your bit, please splash out 99p and buy the single either here at Amazon or on Apple Music. (Buy the single, don’t stream it. It has more impact on the ranking).

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Shows coming up

I am looking to get more dates added. For the moment we have:

I have also got gigs (with other comedians) coming up at Colets in Thames Ditton (July 3rd), Comedy Unleashed in Manchester (July 4) and Leeds (July 5), so maybe catch you at one of those.

And, of course, the …

Edinburgh Fringe - August 2-18

Shaping the Earth is another one of my lectures with funny bits, this one all about the history of mining. It’s at Panmure House, in the room in which Adam Smith wrote Wealth of Nations.

The show is at 2pm from August 2nd to 18th and you can get tickets here.

Lyrics

This election was so boring
All the usual guff
Iffy Rishi. Dreary Kier.
Oh, I had enough

Codswallop!
You know that nothing’s going to change
Codswallop! 
They must think we’re all deranged
Codswallop! 
Lied to just again and again
Codswallop!

Codswallop!
Two pawns of globalist mind
Codswallop! 
Continuity defined
Codswallop! 
Two cheeks of the same behind
Codswallop

They say they’ll 
Fix housing
And fix inflation
Fix climate change
Fix immigration
Fix the NHS
And fix taxation
Fix welfare
Fix the nation

Codswallop! 
They’ll only give us more of the same
Codswallop!
Gotta go through this again?
Codswallop! 
Every single thing they claim
Codswallop!

Keir Starmer has pledged £28 billion to create a green prosperity fund. Rishi Sunak is definitely going to fly planes to Rwanda. Yada yada yada yada.

Codswallop! 
Is there any end to this?
Codswallop! 
Someone put an end to this 
Codswallop! 
Falling into the abyss
Codswallop!

Nigel Farage has announced that he will be contesting the seat of Clacton-on-Sea. What?

Wallop! 
He’s back with his grin.
Wallop! 
They thought they’d got rid of him.
Wallop! 
He’s going make such a din.
Wallop!

With a ciggy and a pint of

Wallop!
His speeches gonna make them weep
Wallop! 
Some accountability
Wallop!
What a pain he’s going to be!

LOL LOL LOL LOL 

Wallop!

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